February 10, 2002

People not to hate

I know I'm a hopeless case when I'm in the mood to listen to Pachbel's Cannon (one day I'll be able to spell it) turned up very loudly. Heaven help me, I have a crush on someone who's even less acceptable than the blue-eyed, dark-haired guy I mentioned before. It feels good though, I feel lighter, sorta like I'm burning calories just sitting, sorta like I'm thinking but I'm not. I put up the "Bliss" away message last night (more correctly this morning), I haven't done that since yuk, maybe even plebe year.

My roommate was once trying to explain to one of her friends why it's so nice to have a crush. It's a reason to wake up in the morning, something to day dream about during the day. Even if it's the most impossible of the probable, it doesn't matter. That's why I don't care if nothing comes of it.

I think there was a little foreshadowing to it. I remember thinking to myself as we sat in Jason's room last semester and talked, "I light up when I talk to him." Maybe because it's something new, maybe it's cause there are so few people here who understand what I'm talking about.

Anyways, I'm restraining myself from going down there and waking him up, emailing him, and any other desperate move I could make.

I wish he tried to make a move last night. I wish he would write now. I wish too much.

I'm so bored ...

Well, I'm in a useless state right now. Our room is a pathetic sight. It's Sunday night and both myself and my roommate are sprawled out on our beds. My roommate is on her death bed. Me, well, I'm just thoughtful right now I guess.