February 25, 2002

Circadian Rhythm

I live a new lifestyle now. Actually, it's not new, just something I haven't done in a long time. I wander around to others rooms and stay up late talking on IM. I am thrilled by the deep and logical conversations of a young man. And am open and social and happy. I'm trying to learn how to wonder about the world again because I've spent so much time ... well, not.

People say that we use words like love and hate too much. That because of this, they have lost their power. I think we should encourage the use of these words in speech. Too often people seem to be dispassionate and indifferent. More often than not, we are taught to stifle our emotions. Perhaps with powerful words we can become more in touch with our true beliefs and selves. We can appreciate the complexities of the world and human interactions. I want to say that in general, I love people, I love my friends and family, and him.

Him, I know that right now I've only scratched the surface of a relationship with him. And the nature of our relationship leaves me a bit uncertain as to the nature of his feelings towards me. But, the way it has been going, though not something that I'm used to, has been so sweet. I wish I could totally let go of all sexual feelings I have for him and just enjoy getting to know him, and myself.