I wanted an identity so I joined the army, and now I realize I don't want this identity ...

But I still don't have an identity

And I'm too lazy to continue and am going to go back to work ...

November 6, 2002

Attempt #2

Why am I always so lazy and tired why I attempt to write these ... wait, maybe its cause I'm usually lazy and tired.

My surrogate company went to brigade finals for boxing

November 7, 2002

Attempt #3

I am continually troubled/fascinated by my ability to mood swing. Perhaps it's because of an underlying truth that my heart and my instincts feel, but my brain rationalizes and justifies away. I have already done a great deal of ranting on the subject in regards to my current position at West Point, but as most personal issues, it probably occurs more often than with this one case.

I haven't done as much writing as I have done thinking and its probably influenced by the fact that a lot of my thinking concerns people who read this. I started this to tell the truths I couldn't say aloud, I've drifted from that.

I could write a story inspired by the characters and situations in my current life if I wasn't in this creative void ...

Or clueless as to how to end it

My downfall is my indecision, my lack of a desire to commit to a course of action ... or maybe to take up one ... I drift, I let circumstances take me where they want and convince myself to accept it. And when circumstances lead me somewhere else, I convince myself that I needed it to happen. I really don't accept control. I've spent my life drifting. A lot of the control I thought I was exercising is an illusion. I talk about the Fates, I thought I was not really serious, who believes that things are predestined?

"Words used carelessly, as if they did not matter in any serious way, often allowed otherwise well-guarded truths to seep through."