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Meh
I've been feeling moody, which lends itself to, well mostly just swings from neutral to melancholy. Melancholy is not so bad considering what I was feeling for most of 2004 (note absence of 2004).
I'm ready to go now. I'm done with El Paso. I'm free of ties and now all that lies before me is where and what. I think this is the first time I'm been free to do whatever I want. Ever since I was a stupid 17 year old and went to West Point, everything had been limited down to sucks and sucks worse.
I felt it again last night. I find that if I'm going to feel lonely, the time when I feel the most lonely is when I'm with other people. I'm pretty sure I felt like that in 2004, but I didn't write it down so that's all just a dream now. The difference now is that I can leave. Maybe I always could in some way, but had gotten comfortable where I was.
It's always been that way hasn't it? Prefering to wander between unrelated friends, over having one cohesive tight nit group. I wonder why that is?