May 22, 2003

In summing up this semester, the question that comes up is, "why the change in attitude?" At the root of the answer to this question is my assurance that I will be an effective officer. To establish why there was a change in attitude, one needs to establish what else changed this semester. These changes can be categorized into two categories academics and mentorship.

As one progresses through academics from plebe year to firstie year there is a change in the nature of classes for any major. For the most part everyone takes the same plebe courses. These classes provide a basic level of instruction in a variety of subjects centered on facts and problem solving. Most cadets remember very little from plebe year because most of what was taught they memorized enough to pass the test and then forgot. From what I remember from plebe year there was very little insight about the present and the nature of people, instead of analyzing we were memorizing. There was very little change from this yuk and cow year, with the except of a couple classes. Those classes included the core classes Philosophy, American Politics, and International Relations. In this period I also changed my major from Chem/Life Science to Sociology. While I would still rather pursue a career in Health Care, at this point in my life I needed the understanding of people I got from Sociology in order to properly cope with my situation. This semester provided the greatest amount of discussion and study of people and the military than my previous semesters. My studies in Armed Forces and Society helped me understand and appreciate what I learned in Mil Art, so that in turn I was able to apply what I learned in Mil Art to other experiences this year. Even Water Resources helped change my attitude regarding reality. Through Water Resources I had a revival in environmental topics that I had forgotten since coming to West Point. The awareness of the environment helped remind me of the things I had faith in. And the awareness of politics taught me to be critical of decisions. For my thesis I went down to Scotland School for Veteran's Children. The children of SSVC are from poor inner-city families. It was also interesting to deal with students below college level that were not honors students. My experience there gave me an appreciation for my family and the opportunities I have. The combination of things I learned in my classes helped give me the understanding and opportunity for educated reflection that I needed in order to understand West Point, the Army, and the United States. This higher understanding of the way humanity interacts will provide me with a strong base in any

Prior to this semester I could count the number of officers who had qualities I wanted to emulate on one hand. This combined with a general feeling of rejection from many green and gray suiters, led me to have very little confidence in myself and my desire to be an officer. This semester I had a much greater respect for my instructors. They all came across as educated, analytical, sensible, and competent. These qualities gave them credibility in my eyes and I was more apt to listen to what they had to say and participate more in class. At the end of this semester, my officer instructors told me that while I still have more potential than I was demonstrating that I will make a good officer. And I believe them. Coincidence had led me to run into MAJ Burbelo at a period where I was ready to give up. Last year I was ashamed to talk to him because I felt like I was a failure and he had a false conception of me. After working with him again this semester, I can safely say that I am the one with that had a misconception. Finally, this semester I had an SLDP mentor that acted like a mentor and didn't antagonize me. Over the course of the semester there were many periods of time when I had little faith and was ready to give up. With CPT Murphy's mentorship I was able to develop a constructive perspective and regain control. Now, especially after hearing his perspective in comparison to mine in regards to my meeting with the RTP, I know that I am competent and can speak intelligently and that I should stop antagonizing myself. Proper mentorship helped me realize the qualities I have that will make me and effective and compassionate leader.

The combination of academics and mentorship helped change my perspective and in turn my attitude. I have always had a progressive perspective, but it used to be that I didn't believe that I could cause change. Now that perspective is modified, I understand that there are some battles that I cannot win immediately, but more importantly I realize that there are some battles that I can win. Through a good, well meaning, and proactive attitude I can affect people around me and things that happen to me.